You smell like a Billy Joel song
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
