when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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