We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
