I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
