So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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