wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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