Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
