and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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