i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
