Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
