Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
