he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
