We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize