as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
