God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
