And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
