He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
