Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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