I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
