Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
