So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
