i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
