I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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