2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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