I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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