The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
