you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
