Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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