ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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