Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
