if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
