at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
