be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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