I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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