if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
