Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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