About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
