He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
