My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
