respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it because I queefed?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dicks are not precious.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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