I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
