i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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