We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
