Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
