So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
