dude i'm inner monologue high
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
