she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
