Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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