Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
