I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
