bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize