Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
