for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You ruined the universe
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
