Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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