Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
