I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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