piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
