my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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