next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
