it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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