its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
