I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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