Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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