i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had sex on a roof
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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