she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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