I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
then he tried to convert me to islam
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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