sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
