I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
