Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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