wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were trust falling into bushes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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